The Seduction 诱惑 It was about this time that the family finally moved back to the United States and was reunited to some degree. However, Fred was not at home for any extended period of time. Here again the old pattern way played out. Father was absent most of the time. He would take off on long business trips leaving mother with the boys. Her drinking was carried on even more heavily. When the father was away, she would go on prolonged alcoholic sprees. This situation was difficult for Fred to handle. As oldest son, Fred felt that father was running away and dumping the responsibility for his mother in his lap. He felt angered at his father's failure to take his responsibility and his leaving Fred to deal with the problem. When mother would get soused, Fred would feel helpless and inadequate, would feel that he had failed again and that he was useless and incompetent. 大约在这个时候，这个家庭终于搬回了美国，并在一定程度上团聚了。然而，弗雷德并没有在家里待太久。这里再次上演了老一套的模式。父亲大部分时间都不在。他会出差很长时间，把母亲和孩子们留在家里。她喝得更多了。当父亲不在的时候，她会长时间酗酒。弗雷德很难应付这种情况。作为长子，弗雷德觉得父亲在逃避，把照顾母亲的责任推到了他的身上。他对父亲没有承担责任，让弗雷德来处理这个问题感到愤怒。当母亲喝醉时，弗雷德会感到无助和不足，会觉得自己又失败了，自己一无是处，无能为力。 It was in this context that the single most significant event in Fred's history occurred. He was about sixteen at the time. His father was away on one of his extended trips. His mother had been drinking quite heavily. It was late at night and he was ready to go to bed. He had put his pajamas on and was preparing for bed. His mother called him into her room. She was lying on the bed, wearing nothing but a negligee. She made him lie down beside her and began to embrace and caress him. He felt terrified and helpless, as though he could do nothing but what she wished. She began to fondle his penis and he had an erection. They went on to have intercourse. She was inebriated almost to the point of incoherence. 正是在这样的背景下，弗雷德历史上最重要的事件发生了。当时他大约十六岁。他的父亲外出长途旅行。而他的母亲则酗酒严重。一天深夜，弗雷德已经穿上睡衣准备上床睡觉。这时他的母亲把他叫进她的房间。她躺在床上，只穿了一件睡袍。她让他躺在她身边，开始拥抱和爱抚他。弗雷德感到害怕和无助，似乎除了顺从她的意愿之外别无选择。她开始抚摸他的阴茎，他勃起了。最终他们发生了性关系。当时她已经醉得几乎语无伦次了。 The experience was devastating for Fred. He felt as though he were in a daze, as though it really wasn't happening. He couldn't believe that he was doing it. He remembered feeling aroused and excited, and particularly feeling that he wanted to hurt her, fix her for all that he had suffered at her hands. The next day his mother made no reference to it, except to allude that she had had a strange dream. A few nights later, within a week, the process was repeated again. The second experience was more deliberate on his part. He remembered having an orgasm—how good it felt—and that she had an orgasm too. The memory of these events stayed with him as a festering sore ever since. We will have more to say about it later. But it was clearly a focus for his most intense, ambivalent, and most destructive feelings. 这段经历对弗雷德来说是毁灭性的。他感觉自己仿佛恍恍惚惚的，好像这一切并没有真的发生。他无法相信自己会这样做。他记得自己当时感到兴奋和激动，尤其想伤害她，为所有在她手上受过的苦而报复她。第二天，他的母亲对此只字未提，只是暗示自己做了一个奇怪的梦。几个晚上之后，大约一周之内，同样的事情再次发生。第二次经历弗雷德更加刻意了。他记得自己达到了高潮——感觉太好了——而他的母亲也达到了高潮。自那以后，这些记忆就像溃烂的伤口一样留在他的脑海里。我们稍后会详细讨论这个问题。但显然，这是他最强烈、最矛盾、最具破坏性的情感焦点。