Sexual Conflicts 性冲突 In the light of these concerns, it should not come as much of a surprise that the area of sexuality was one that was highly conflicted for Karen. While she effected a strongly libertarian attitude toward sex, envisioning herself as the embodiment of the liberated woman—at the same time there was a certain embarrassment and hesitancy about sexual matters, as well as a rather pervasive if sometimes strongly denied sense of guilt about her sexual activities. There was a strong counterphobic element in all of this, however, as if she were somehow determined to prove to herself that she was not going to be sexually inhibited or constrained, as her mother was, or that she would not allow herself to feel any of the stirrings of guilt that were attendant on her sexual proclivity. There was a strong wish in her to deny any such guilt, and it was really only after several years of analysis that we were able to get to the point where she could acknowledge such guilt in herself. The critical issue, of course, in all of this was that the guilt feelings were allied with her identification with her mother, against which she found it so pressingly urgent to defend herself in so many ways. We will have the opportunity to suggest later on that many of the masochistic and depressive aspects of her character were related to this unconscious sense of guilt. Or, looking at it in another perspective, the sexual acting-out served as a countering defense against the inner sense of guilt. Stylistically this was quite parallel with her more general pattern of controlling and coping in the face of her underlying, although denied, sense of weakness and vulnerability. 考虑到这些问题，对卡伦来说，性的领域是一个高度矛盾的领域，这并不令人感到惊讶。虽然她对性有着强烈的自由主义态度，把自己想象成解放女性的化身，但与此同时，她在性问题上存在着一定的尴尬和犹豫，并对自己的性行为普遍存在着一种有时强烈否认的负罪感。所有这一切里有一个强大的反恐惧元素,然而,仿佛她在某种程度上决定向自己证明她不会像她的母亲那样性抑制或限制,或者证明她不会允许自己感到任何的一丝因为性倾向而引起的内疚感。她有一种强烈的愿望，想要否认自己有这样的罪恶感，实际上，只有经过几年的分析，我们才能够让她承认自己有这样的罪恶感。当然，在这一切中最关键的问题是，她的内疚感与她对母亲的认同紧密相连，对这点她发现自己迫切需要在许多方面为自己辩护。稍后我们将有机会指出，她性格中受虐狂和抑郁的许多方面都与这种无意识的负罪感有关。或者，从另一个角度来看，性行为作为一种对抗内疚感的防御手段。在风格上，这与她在面对潜在的、尽管被否认的软弱和脆弱感时更普遍的控制和应对方式相当相似。 Karen saw the sexual relationship primarily in sadomasochistic terms, in which the male was the strong,dominating, controlling, and powerful figure, while the female was seen as weak, subjugated, inferior, and passive. She felt powerfully conflicted about this and played out the various sides of her conflicts in her relationships with the various men she knew. Geting screwed for her was in a sense an act of subjugation and submission. In this aspect she responded with passivity in the sexual encounter and an emotional blocking which left her generally frigid, although it equivalently protected her from feeling any of the painfully subjugating emotions. In her sexual activity she resented bitterly the act she had to put on to convince her male partner that she had in fact had an orgasm, but any orgastic experience was by far the exception for her. She saw this faking of orgasms as essential for protecting and supporting the fragile sense of masculine competency. Atthe same time there was a part of her that was motivated to try to control and manipulate the sexual relationship. She often spoke of "screwing guys," and thrust herself into sexual encounters as a way of coping with and mastering her anxiety. 卡伦主要从施虐受虐的角度来看待两性关系，在这种关系中，男性是强势、支配、控制和强大的形象，而女性则被视为软弱、被征服、低人一等和被动的。她对此感到强烈的矛盾，并在与她认识的不同男人的关系中，表现出她矛盾的各个方面。从某种意义上说，被艹是一种征服和屈服的行为。在这方面，她的反应是被动的性接触和情感的封锁，这使她总的来说是冷淡的，虽然它同样保护她不感到任何痛苦的压抑的情感。在她的性行为中，她对自己不得不装出一副让她的男性伴侣相信她确实有过性高潮的样子感到非常愤怒，但任何性高潮体验对她来说都是例外。她认为假装高潮对保护和支持脆弱的男性能力至关重要。与此同时，她内心深处有一种冲动，想要控制和操纵性关系。她经常说到“艹男人”，并把性接触作为一种应对和控制焦虑的方式。 The significant part of this sexual attitude was her feeling about her own genitals. Her basic feelings about her own genital anatomy and function were kept well hidden and were long in coming into the open. She had an abiding sense of her own genital inferiority. She regarded her vagina as dirty, messy, dark, dank, foul-smelling, as a place where foul odors and substances were emitted. There seemed little question that the basic conception operating in this regard was fundamentally cloacal, and that the image of female genital functioning in her mind was contaminated by anal determinants. After the fashion of reaction formations, she found it necessary to institute a number of obsessional cleansing rituals surrounding her sexual activity. She would wash and douche and cleanse carefully her entire genital area before any sexual encounter. She would also perform a similar cleansing ritual after a sexual encounter. 这种性态度的重要部分是她对自己生殖器的感觉。她对自己生殖器解剖和功能的基本感觉被很好地隐藏起来，并在很长一段时间后才公之于众。她对自己生殖器的自卑有一种持久的感觉。她认为她的阴道肮脏、杂乱、黑暗、潮湿、恶臭，是一个散发恶臭和物质的地方。毫无疑问，在这方面起作用的基本概念基本上是泄殖腔，她心目中的女性生殖器功能的形象受到肛门决定因素的污染。在反应形成之后，她发现有必要围绕她的性行为建立一系列强迫性的净化仪式。在任何性接触之前，她都会仔细地清洗、冲洗和清洁她的整个生殖器区域。在性接触后，她也会进行类似的清洗仪式。 In contrast to her attitude to her own genital, she regarded the penis as strong and clean. 与她对自己生殖器的态度相反，她认为阴茎强壮干净。 One other aspect of her sexuality which bears comment is an aspect that did not come to light until a good two-and-a-half years of the analysis had passed. One day she casually mentioned that it was a custom in her home for her parents to walk around nude a good bit of the time. She recalls that this was the normal thing in the family in all the years she was growing up, until the time she left to go to college. She also remembered during that period frequently taking showers with her father. She tried to treat this matter as entirely casual and inconsequential. When I wondered why it was that she had never mentioned it during the long period of her analysis she denied it had any significance, and resisted any suggestion that it might have been something she might have avoided. However,I think it shed some light on the sexual conflicts that we have been able to identify. On the one hand we know that the attitudes of the parents toward sexuality, particularly the mother's attitudes, were quite repressive and restrictive, if not downright prudish. We know how stringently the mother restricted Karen's sexual activity, not allowing her to date boys until she was sixteen years old. Yet, at the same time, there was this persistent and rather high level of sexual excitation and in addition presumably, built-in seduction. The combination of excitation and repression gave a double message which served only to confuse and confound Karen's emerging view of sexuality, and more particularly her own sexuality. 她性的另一个值得评论的方面是，在经过两年半的分析之后才被发现。有一天，她不经意地提到，她的父母在她家有一种习惯，大部分时间都是光着身子走来走去。她回忆说，在她成长的这些年里，这在家里是很正常的事情，直到她离开家去上大学。她还记得那段时间经常和父亲一起洗澡。她试图把这件事看成完全无关紧要的事。当我好奇为什么在她分析的很长一段时间里她从来没有提过这件事时，她否认这件事有任何意义，并拒绝接受任何她本可以避免这件事的建议。然而，我认为它揭示了一些我们已经能够识别的性冲突。一方面，我们知道父母对性的态度，尤其是母亲对性的态度，即使不是完全拘谨，也是相当压抑和限制的。我们知道卡伦的母亲严格限制她的性行为，直到16岁才允许她和男孩约会。然而，与此同时，这种持续的、相当高水平的性兴奋，可能还有固有的诱惑。兴奋和压抑的结合发出了双重的信息，这只会使卡伦的新出现的性观念更加混乱，尤其是她自己的性观念。 Particularly conflictual for her were the more perverse and fetishistic practices. She had strong feelings about oral-genital sex even though in several of her relationships she had engaged in fellatio. Particularly in one relationship—the one which developed into such a mutually abusive sadomasochistic tango—fellatio became a constant feature of the sexual activity. She would use her mouth on him, but he would never reciprocate. As a result she felt demeaned and abused and her feelings that her own genitals were repulsive and dirty were confirmed by his refusal to use his mouth on her. Another partner had asked her to wear black nylon stockings and a garter belt while performing intercourse. This excited him and increased his satisfacton in intercourse and she went along with it as a way of pleasing him. But again she felt demeaned and devalued. She felt that she was not adequate in herself and again felt bitter and resentful about this kind of request. 对她来说，尤其矛盾的是更为反常和迷信的做法。她对口交有着强烈的感情，尽管在她的几段关系中她都有口交。特别是在一段关系中——这关系发展成为一种相互虐待、施虐受虐的探戈口交——成为性行为的一个持续特征。她会对他动嘴，但他永远不会回嘴。结果，她觉得自己受到了侮辱和虐待，而他拒绝对她动嘴，更证实了她对自己生殖器的反感和肮脏。另一位性伴侣要求她在性交时穿黑色尼龙袜和吊袜带。这使他很兴奋，也增加了他在交往中的满足感。为了使他高兴，她也同意了。但她又一次觉得自己被贬低了。她觉得自己不够资格，又对这种要求感到痛苦和怨恨。